How I saved the world

So we have a Crisis....or two.
A bird got sick, gave it a pig, and passed it on to us. I guess the spider didn't know how to say "back off, I gotta cough" in Spanish. Don't get me wrong I think it's terrible. I don't want to see kids dying from the flu.

Then we got this economic downturn. Or whatever CNN has labeled it this week. All I know is the best English Football team has has the logo of a failing company on it. Hey, it's just like the Toronto Maple Leafs! Except the teachers pension is doing fine. If the teachers pension owns part of the team, does that mean that my kids kindergarten teacher has better chance of getting tickets then me? If she could afford them, of course.

Miss America contestant hates gays...
Simon Cowell likes someone...
I did my taxes...

The world is fucked up place. More fucked up then normal. Now I've come up with a solution that will propel Canada to the forefront of the world by doing something we are already good at. Getting high!

Think about it.....okay exhale, then think about it. All of the things we need are right here in the grow operation across the street. These freedom fighters have recognized that in order for the dollar to gain, for gas prices to go down, and all of us to chill the fuck out...is POT.

Anyone that knows me, knows that I don't smoke pot(anymore) It's personal choice, nothing political. In fact still enjoy the smell at the McDonald's drive thru at 3:00am. I'm an ego-maniac and I didn't enjoy getting stupid. That's not a euphemism, I was literally stupid. I couldn't work the simplest things.....my disc man, my VCR, my commodore 64....holy shit I haven't been high in a long time.
And there was the fact that I was eating two cold Pop Tarts while I was waiting for the other two Pop Tarts to pop. it was a vicious cycle. Mustard sandwiches, frozen corn dogs, and gigantic box of slim jims. One time we ordered 35 cheeseburgers and had to take the top bun off the last ten to finish....but we did finish.
Those glory days of stupidity, gluttony and sense of self got me thinking.
What do we need right now?
Jobs, confidence, support for local business, and job creation!!
Weed is our answer.
We could legalize marijuana!!
Now your dealer doesn't have to be some jean jacket wearing asshole, it can be the nice people who used to work for AIG. We could increase sales at Canadian owned companies like Lays with bags and bags of chips, and Maynard's Fuzzy Peach and Wine Gums , and pockets full smarties. I could start a soft taco delivery service after 12. We would feel entitled in the international world. If we were sober enough to care. We could have free trade for Swiss Chocolate.

Our whole infrastructure would be overhauled. Think how advertisers could finally market right to you and your dumbass needs. Like anyone actually thinks that Kinder Surprise is for kids. They could finally explain why the most watched HD channel in Canada is Discovery. No condescending prick at revenue Canada would ask why you didn't file for five years, it would be obvious....you forgot. Wing sales would be through the roof, and we could make another three Matrix movies with that dude from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
Tourism would skyrocket. You could have a full day of just driving between Calgary and Banff and freaking out at the mountains. Hundreds of thousands of people just staring at Niagara Falls, eating Beaver Tails and screaming in that haunted house.
I could get a job just talking, and ranting and people would tell me that this is the kind of shit that should be on TV.
And then it is...

Dentist's offices' would be overbooked.

Membership to gyms would triple....and people would go as long as there was a place to fire a bong.

Football players wouldn't get busted.

Wouldn't it be great! See you can tell that I don't smoke anymore, I wouldn't have made through this.....
Daily Show just started
...My kids still has Easter candy
... what was I saying

...Whatever.