My chunky Valentines

Since the Valentines Blog I've been literally dying from an illness I can only assume comes from being in contact with too many people on Valentines night! It was total horror show and when I got home to drink a bottle of scotch to ease my restaurant chapped ass, my entire family had the vomits. Good times! I had all these wicked rants and suggestions for the common folk on their lame excuse for a "love day" surprise. Among them, don't be surprised that others have also come out on this day and, proposing on Feb 14th is lamer than at a Blue Jays game! But I threw up most of the humorous adages along with a pizza and the "everything" bagel I ate early on the 15th. I'm sure they were both bits of wordy genius.

Whilst I lay sideways in a clench of both my jaw and buttocks, I did however get a chance to watch a fair bit of TV. Now there's a bit of irony in my criticism considering that I'd give up this daily exercise in a moment if someone were to pay me to write TV shows, commercials, or even kids shit. But they don't so here we go...

Now I've mentioned before about the JEEP commercial where the dude drives to the top of the mountain then snowboards down(how does he get his JEEP back!!) and I still believe that it's the worst of the worst. I don't know if it has a professional driver, do not attempt disclaimer, or if it needs one, but I don't plan on it. Those disclaimers are a highlight of my viewing. Like when the guy jumps out of the plane with only a shopping cart. Forgive me for repeating myself, and for the record a friend of mine had originally mentioned this, but I like to repeat myself. (and there are new readers ) My real beef is with how the marketing companies look at the dichotomy of Canadian men. Capt Morgan, Rickard's, Molson, and even Proline have all looked at the men between 25-35 and come to the conclusion that we all only have 3 friends. Now here's where it gets a little insulting\revealing, in each of their ads out of the four friends, One is fat, one has a beard, one has a plaid shirt and the other is a visible minority. How fucked up is that. Okay, all guys right now think about your three best friends.....does it fit? I was furious about this until I thought about the last time there was four of us guys having a beer and guess what, I was the minority and the fat guy! damn it.

Now don't get me wrong it's nice to see that there is minorities in commercials that aren't just the tellers at the bank, or trying to buy our used jewelry. I would like to see some interracial couples though, maybe some gay parents. I would like to see some honesty amongst advertisers. I was always a big fan of that Buckley's campaign that said, it tastes terrible and it works. It does both.

Great we have to watch Grey's Anatomy....I'm going to doze back off any second. I'm not sure how I feel about medical dramas. I like the show House because Hugh Laurie is a god, and was in Black Adder. Also for one of the funniest people in the world he really is a miserable prick. It's also produced\created by a Canadian, and there are subtle jabs at the US health care system during the run. These programs like ER, Grey's Anatomy, and to a lesser degree Private Practice are based off a teaching hospital scenario. That's why they get all these cases, but no one ever says, "you don't have the right insurance", or "we can send you to another hospital where the doctors actually care about saving people, not paying down their BMW's" if there was a drama that was actually about the politics of the US health system it wouldn't be very good TV. Although a lot more people would die. I mock the show while T watches it because of that fact. For some reason I can believe that Alien vs Predator is real enough to shush people, but the idea that med students care....
(PS- Shonda Rhimes - I will intern as anything on this show starting today!)

Survivor has had 20 seasons? Who the fuck watches this tripe? They're not actually Stranded on an Island!! unless you count the crew of 70 with catering trucks...

I gotta admit that I do like watching the Bachelor. Not for the drama, or the outcome. And not because I believe it's real in any way, but because the shit these people say to each other is awesome. What's better is they think it's awesome too! Yeah, you're so desperate to meet someone that you believe your only chance is going to be on a nationally televised program where you make-out with 10 different people? You just get drunk and stroll around Spain (basic 2nd date things) The thing is, these people think that they are saying the right things to move the story along, but they are so forced that it's as if an elementary school wrote the script. I've hung out with a lot of dudes, and I've never heard on say that they are ready to find a wife among 25 single, hot sluts!

The sad part about this post is I'll never be able to put into print my hatred for all of those that went out on Valentines day, because I'm no longer angry. I have no energy. And by the time I'm back in the game it'll be the weekend. Sure it's +8 and February, which is like winning 10 bucks on a scratch and win. However, this Monday is Family day. This Monday every jackass and his whinny, screaming sugar filled kids are going to be coming in and freaking out that there is a 7 minute wait for a table. On their way back from an afternoon of fighting, and spending too much on cotton candy they're going to stop by for a quick meal. And for some god forsaken reason we have a promotion where kids eat free on Monday!!!

I predict that my blog come Tues the 22nd will a swear filled raucous that will make you queasy upon reading. And I will have applied to every shit ass job that claims they will pay me to write. I will have entertained the idea of working in a field that doesn't put me in direct contact with people or their children, even if it means a "real job".

 I will also be hungover...