The dominos must fall...

The hardest part of the past few weeks wasn't keeping the secret of my move, but more the anxiety about it. It's funny that things that I've wanted to happen for a few years is now happening and I'm freaking out. Last Wednesday I had to put in my notice at work. It was a big step in the western direction. I don't love my job, but I do the people. I think that's universal for a lot of people. There's a tough exchange between loving what you do, and who you do it with, but if you find that you have both...stick with it! I was nervous to purposely become unemployed, but it had to happen. That night I explained to all that would listen about my upcoming changes. Then came Thursday, my day off. I wrote up the blog ch..changes, and sat back to endure the love and kudos from friends and family. It was a wonderful high. Many people encouraged the move even though it would be away from them. Many were happy that I was heading homeward and we would be face to face in just over a month.

 Then came Friday....
Friday I was filled with complete and total fear. I started to question my decision, how plausible it would be. I paced back and forth on the hardwood, running the numbers through in my head. I gotta sell the house, then I gotta get a job, from there I have to pay X amount for rent, and Y amount has to be sent back to T for the mortgage if the house doesn't sell. There's the moving, the driving, the housing, the kids, the cat, the yard, gas money, hotels, food, I gotta bring my bike( it's Vancouver), I need a bike rack, a bag rack, a suitcase, a new computer, clean the bathroom, clean out the basement, wash my work clothes, shave, call the school, pay for school, get an umbrella, wear my Canucks jersey, how is T gonna get around without the car, I'd better fly. I'm afraid to fly, can my guitar go on the plane? what about my bike. How do you use SKYPE? Am I even a good enough writer to make a living at this, and do I have the money? Or do I have the money, and that's why they think I'm good enough..

By 8a.m. I was in a constant state of panic. My collar was tightening around my neck and I wasn't even wearing a shirt. Truthfully I don't have the answer to any of those problems, if there are any. I know that I have the support that I need to carry on. I know that the people that I love believe this will work, and they're good people. I know that I dreamt about having this chance, and I have it. A few weeks ago when I mockingly said that I would forget everyone if I got successful, I failed to remind everyone that I have a 1000 stories, and they are because of the people that I've met. The people I love and hate, those who don't like me, people I vehemently disagree with, people I inexplicably side with. People I worked with for one day, some for years. Some I've misjudged, some that have misjudged me. Lovers, friends, enemies, frenemies, family, associates, friends of friends, acquaintance's, hangers on, that dude that looks like that other dude, the guy who thinks I'm Rob, his girlfriend....

Ontario has been good to me. I've seen Toronto at its best and it's worst. And I'll never forget it. I know that some people around the country find things to hate about Toronto, and there are things, but why. The hockey team sucks, but there were celebrations up and down Yonge street that I'll never forget. I love Toronto Island, the Blue Jays, the Beaches. And I truly love the people that I'm been blessed to call my friends. The few months without my lil ones will be hard, but being away from those that have helped shape who I am, will be harder over time. I have encouraged them all to visit, some I've told to actually move west. I guess I shouldn't be greedy about the opportunity that I already have. But I will! Just like everything that has to happen in order for me to drive away, the dominoes that fall must be in place first. I can only influence my own circumstances. Twenty-five things off the list, twenty-five more added.