The Junos

Music....
some people like it the way they like their bacon, Canadian.
I don't care either way, and I'm certainly in no position to criticize the award show for Canadian music. The Junos are our thing. I usually don't pay attention to them cause they're are held somewhere outside of Toronto, and as a suburbanite I pretend that I don't know where Halifax is. However this year it's in Vangroovy so I shall comment.

Now, everyone knows that they're not the Grammy's, or the AMA's, or even the MMVA( I don't know what any of those things mean) but they are ours. They have tradition, and are respected and have a shit load of big name winners like Snow, and Luba, and Mitsou.....okay Mitsou never won anything, but anyone that remembers Bye Bye Mon Cowboy knows she was robbed. As Velveeta as some of the ceremonies have been , and as big as some of the artist have been, they've always been seen by the mainstream as fairly Vanilla.

Recently Matthew Good of the Matthew Good Band mocked the awards. He went on to make fun of MuchMusic's annual award show as well. When I first read about it, it was on my home page for the news and I skipped passed the article. I mean, it's Matthew Good. Who cares. He's got desire to attend, he thinks it's pointless. He went on to say "We played the MuchMusic awards (in 2000). It's full of crap. It's tripe, you know? I see it in some ways as forming a sort of false connectivity with people, because you have to present that sense of falseness that's very prevalent in music."

Someone in the public eye has to present a sense of falseness? Really? And you brought this up in an interview? One that you knew would be published in a major paper? What the Fuck, Matthew? If you hate the face time part of the music industry, then stop putting your fucking face on the cover of your albums. Is it you don't like the fact that the Junos are all about the big selling, marketable bands because you weren't one? If you don't want "false connectivity" then quit pretending that you're better than the people that do care. That do show up. I haven't heard your name since you popped to many pills in kingston, but your names in the paper now.
And what's that.....you have a new album coming out?

Two things
#1) you said about your writing, "There's so much for me to write about - society has become so absolutely ridiculous" guess what fucker, you're a part of that society. Some people even think that music helps shape it.....thanks

#2) If you want to be a burned out pot head, crusty old has-been that lives in parents basement, named his last album Avalanche with no respect for the many people that have died in B.C.,and now has bi-polar disorder.....don't name your new album Vancouver. For me it shows false sense of connectivity with the people of Vancouver

one last thing....do you really think that there's an award ceremony in any other country or market that isn't a load of shit?

Thanks for insight

aw....the Comb-Over

Okay

I admit, it's been a long time since I had a good rant. I've been busy.......doing something?

whatever

Anyway, today whilst reading something before I scanned the Internet porn, I became pissed off.

Years ago I had promised a friend of mine that I would write a book about how Americans and Canadians got along. How we're similar, and how we've had fundamental beliefs in ourselves that were drastically different. Now I have bitched about our relationship before, but that's what makes it so strong. I'm straying...... I said that America was like the worlds' comb-over. They point, criticize, mock and laugh at other cultures and countries, but fail to see the faults in their own. Much like how people with comb-overs wander the streets like they have a full head of hair, but everyone sees that stringy, slicked over elongated pieces from above their ears. There's nothing wrong with losing your hair, there is something wrong with pretending you're not.

I also wanted to make a documentary about how Americans like to beat on Canada to make themselves feel better. Sure maybe we have a full head of hair, but they're a copyright lawyer so they still believe they're better than us. To personalize it for you, think about the douche bag that is a "junior executive" that's trying to convince you(or himself) that his life is way better than yours, and yet he's at a crowded bar talking to you.....the bartender. All popular TV shows take pot shots at Canada. We don't care because it's probably written by a Canadian. We allow them this luxury because we have a great sense of humor and we lend them our comedians, film crews and cities to be the great landscape that is America on the screen. I mean you didn't actually think those beautiful mountains in BrokeBack Mountain were in America, did you? Those good ol boys aren't going to let a movie about two people being in love filmed there. Unless you think that Right to bare arms means a big gay hug.(I'd like to think that)

Which brings me to the reason my hiatus was thwarted en route to grotesque pornography.

FOX NEWS....again. If you haven't heard Greg Gutfeld and his well established program the Red Eye was a no holds barred Canada bashing. And everyone that was up at 3:30am to watch this drivel was....well no one watched it. I mean it aired at 3:30 am on St. Patricks Day. Gimme a break. Anyway, this piece of shit Gutfeld decided to trash this great land of ours, which is our job. And I can't help wonder that if the guy that got fired from Stuff magazine and Maxim UK has a show on FOX, why the fuck don't I? He's not as funny as me.....I'm Canadian!!

The air-quote comedian air-quote, that was on the show had four dates in Edmonton at a comedy club just miles from the base there, but his safety can't be guaranteed so they've cancelled the show. Finally he's involved in something I can laugh at.

Gutfeld and satirical counterparts took many pot shots at our vast country and the way we do things. They poked fun at how a decorated General said that our military could use a well deserved break in policing Afghanistan. Gutfeld said, "The Canadian military wants to take a breather to do some yoga, paint landscapes, run on the beach in gorgeous white Capri pants."

It's cute that he thinks Canada is some new aged Caribbean island. I'm sure any US soldier would take the break as well. He also suggested that the US invade Canada, because " they have no military" We certainly don't have the size of forces that they do, but we also don't have as many people. And people dying. Four days after his brilliant comments four Canadians died in Afghanistan, a joint effort project, and our proud citizens lined up to honor those fallen along the Highway of Heroes. Fox news doesn't report their military casualties, or show the heroes returning. They can, we won't make fun of them. Our stickers say support our troops with two flags on them.

Gutfeld is douche bag there is no doubt. He's one of the fucks that thinks he's funny, he surrounds himself with people he thinks are funny and then hits primetime for drunks that are coming down from coke binges. I don't even know what the big stink is, we had to wait five days to find out who this prick is, and I'm not setting my alarm to watch his shitty show. FOX NEWS shouldn't be ashamed, they must not like him either. If FOX NEWS thinks YOU'RE a douche bag....Yikes. Even if I have to wake up and feed the little one, I'll still chose porn over this guy.

If any Canadian show, comical or trying to be satirical (I'm looking at you This hour has 22 minutes) ever made comments about the American military, or mocked them for trying to save it's patriots, or questioned their foreign policy....scratch that last one, every 24 hour news station would be calling for their heads.

FOX NEWS, we're not so different you and I, but you should try asking yourself WWAD (what would America do?) before you speak.

Greg Gutfeld....soak it up asshole. People are actually referring to you as a "jokester". This is the most press you are ever going to get. And not to complete my metaphor, but do you have PLUGS?