What's love got to do......

Love.

Love?

I think that it's great when people give "advice" on relationships. What have we learned so far? The only relationship that any of us know about is the one we are, or the one we were in. Other than that we know nothing. I can't take the crap that went on in the last one and apply it to now. That one didn't work. In fact none of them worked! Thus the reason I'm tied into this pickle of a situation. The fact is that me and my girl, have no way to answer people when they ask, "what we are". Even though we vote to allow same sex marriage, and live in a liberal world, people are shocked when I don't say wife. They assume that somethings not right, or that we're not together. They ask when are we going to do it. ( it being marriage, not sex. Dirty reader) We're not. Well I've mentioned once or twice that if I'd win the lottery, I would at least ask. I just don't like the idea behind it. I think that the pressure is so immense that it is impossible to live up to it. This isn't like climbing a mountain folks. Or is it? Or should it be.

Now before you leave me some rash comment about how it doesn't apply to you, it probably doesn't. unfortunately some people go into a union all willy nilly, and don't think about the possibility of failure. In honor of Sir Edmund Hillary, I give you this analogy: When preparing to reach the apex of Everest, you must come to the realization that you may fail. In fact, it's a great possibility. It's a great probability! There are risks that need to be measured, calculated moves to ensure that you survive. And who do you rely on? The others in your team, people that have been up there before. And even those people have stories of failure, even they have had close calls. It a big step, and it's not for everyone.

"It won't happen to me!"

This has to be one of the most over used personal statements that people make other than, I'll never drink again. We have a panic button in our brains that repeats these words, just in case. If you think about it, we all feel that way. If we didn't we wouldn't smoke, drink and drive, have unprotected sex, speed, do drugs,etc. We do those things and have the croquettes to think that we are exempt from the consequences. We don't see any hard, fast results, so who gives a shit. If every time that you lit a cigarette there was a fifty percent chance that one would give you cancer, would you smoke it? As it stands now, any signs of long term smoking won't be here until later in life. Would you rather look at yourself in the mirror at sixty wondering if you'll get a chance to see you daughter get married, because you just found out you have the big C?

Where does the risk become worth it? If every time you had sex without a condom there was a significant chance that someone would get pregnant, or AIDS, would you stop to get a condom? We have the audacity to believe that it'll be someone else. Even if that someone is a friend or relative. I used to smoke. Like a chimney, and I loved it. I used to speed (not true), I used to drink like a rock star. I used to.

Then something happened. A little girl was born, and she was mine. This little...beebo. (no it's not her name, I'm not a psycho celeb! It's a word I created to describe what she looked like when she was born.) And I didn't quit right away. The fact is, I smoke and drank a lot more once I found out I was having a baby. I came up with a way to make all of this make sense to me. I would try and figure out a way to tell my little girl why I was doing whatever it was I was doing. If I was smoking I would imagine what that conversation would sound like.

"Daddy's just going to step outside and ingest some poison that I never want you to touch, for sole reason of self satisfaction."

What would she say, "why?" And I don't have answer. You see for the first time I had to think about the next few years, and the few after that. I had to take in the calculated risks and minimize them. I had to think about the consequences of my actions. I had to try and preserve my own life for another human being. And I wouldn't for a wife. I know that we can say love, but do we mean it? Always? In spite of everything? It's not that parents are trying to be in a certain club that differs from people without kids, but it's different. The love you have for your own child is unreal. Literally. It cannot be summed up in words, or compared to other people or basketball. They always say that being in love is a feeling that you have when you are in it. Love for your kid you aren't in, you are.

I think it would be unfair to anyone else to try and emote the same. It would be a lie to say the words. I wish that there was another word that we could use for non-parent\child love. Like, " I Love* you!!"

*- the asterisk enables the user to variations of the meaning of love, limited but not exclusive to excuses, apologies, and to initiate sex.

**- two asterisks maybe used in conjunction of, "I maybe falling in love with you", or "I could love you" for the purpose of trying to initiate oral sex

I remember when my Mom said that she loved me unconditionally, and I didn't know what it meant. Now I do. Its easy to understand when I look into those eyes.